The Dowry System In India
Zac Poonen
It is unfortunately, normal among Christians of
all denominations in India, for a boy's father to ask for a dowry from the
girl's father before a marriage is finalised.
This has reduced marriage to a business deal.
Among unbelievers, such a practice is
understandable because, being spiritually blind, they allow covetousness to
rule their lives.
But what shall we say when most believers
also indulge in this practice - even those who claim to be Spirit-filled?
Surely the Devil has blinded them too.
Many a marriage arrangement has failed because
the parents of the girl could not meet the exorbitant demand for dowry made by
the parents of the boy.
Many girls in our land have been
emotionally disturbed and brought to frustration because of this - and some
have even committed suicide. Every day in India, some wife somewhere burns
herself to death because of her husband harassing her to get more dowry from
her father.
God will severely judge all those who make marriage
a matter of striking a financial deal.
This judgment will begin at the house of
God, among those who claim to be born again.
It is because many believers have not
spoken out against the evil practice of dowry that it is still so widely
prevalent in Christendom in India today. It is a sad thing indeed when those
who should be standing upright for God in a warped and crooked world, become
warped and crooked themselves.
No Christian who wants to please God should ever
ask for, or receive a dowry.
Some brothers hide under the excuse that it is
their parents who ask for dowry and not they themselves.
But if they have any convictions at all,
why don't they speak up and tell their parents that they don't want any dowry?
The reason must be that they too secretly desire
the money. If they are convinced that the dowry system is wrong, they should
speak up for the truth. It is surprising that many brothers who are
strong-willed when it comes to other matters, act like spineless jelly-fish
when it comes to expressing their convictions on dowry to their parents!
Some brothers say that it is only reasonable that
their parents who have spent so much money on their education should now
receive some money as dowry from the girl's parents.
But the girl's parents have also spent money on
educating her!
Why doesn't the boy give money to her father for
giving him an educated girl??
Others justify their asking for dowry by saying
that their parents will need money to give as dowry for their sisters when the
latter get married.
But we can be certain that God will not let
anyone down, who seeks to honour Him in this matter. If you honour Him, He will
honour you and give good husbands to your sisters (or daughters) without your
having to pay any dowry (1 Sam. 2:30).
If you say you don't have faith for that, then I
have nothing more to say to you, for I am writing now only for wholehearted
Christians.
The commandments of Jesus are meant only for
wholehearted Christians.
Others may ask,
"What is wrong in receiving money which the
father of a girl gives gladly to her as a gift?"
There is certainly nothing wrong with that.
But before any brother uses this as an excuse for
his covetousness, let him answer these three questions first:
(a) Was money any factor at all (even if the
least important) in deciding the marriage?
(b) Did you or your representative (whether
father or relatives) ever ask for the money, (or try to find out how much money
the girl's parents had) before or after the marriage had been settled?
(c) Did you secretly hope that money would be
given by the girl's parents (either to the girl or to you)?
If the answer is "Yes" to any of these
questions, then you have certainly fallen a prey to covetousness, however well
it may have been covered up by different excuses.
It is in such situations that the contradiction
between a believer's preaching and his practice becomes evident to all.
No wonder infidels are prompted to say,
"Whatever Christians may preach, when it
comes to money, they have the same religion as everyone else".
In some places, I have heard that the dowry system
is the reverse of what is found in most parts of India.
There the boy has to give a dowry to the
girl's father in order to marry her. But whichever dowry system it be, the
practice is an abomination to God.
Many may resent such a strong denunciation of the
dowry system. But we must remember that the system is a product of man's
covetousness, which the Bible calls idolatry (Col. 3:5).
One has only to read the severe denunciation of
idolatry in the Old Testament to realize how God detests it.
The prophets of old were fiery in
their preaching against it. They did not mince words when speaking against that
which God hated.
(Zac Poonen)
We have preached against and stood against dowry
consistently in CFC ever since the Lord established our church in 1975.
Personally, I have practised exactly what I have
written above, in my own life.
I refused to allow any discussion of dowry at
the time of my wedding. I took the same stand against dowry when my four sons
were getting married. In addition, I never sought to find out whether the
parents of the girls (whom my sons were marrying) were rich or whether the girls
themselves had good educational qualifications that would enable them to work
and earn money.
Unfortunately, these are the matters that most
believers today are keen on finding out when getting their sons married.
I was only keen to find out if the girls
themselves loved the Lord and were disciples of the Lord Jesus.
And I thank God that He honoured my
desire by giving each of my four sons God-fearing wives who would help them in
their ministry for the Lord and also help them to raise God-fearing children.
Whenever I conduct a wedding, I always
take a signed declaration from both the bride and the bridegroom stating that
no dowry has been exchanged between them or their parents. I do this so that
both parties see the seriousness of this evil. If any dowry was given or
received, then I refuse to conduct the wedding. If they deceive me they are
answerable to God.
To expect dowry, or to accept dowry are both just
as bad as asking for dowry.
Those who accept or expect a dowry are
both covetous. Such "Christians" should be honest and call themselves
"heathen".
They are certainly NOT followers of Jesus Christ.
Can you picture your asking Jesus to negotiate
with a girl's father about the amount of dowry he should pay you before you
agree to give your son in marriage to his daughter?
You know very well that Jesus would never
be willing to negotiate in such a matter. That itself should show you that
expecting or receiving a dowry is wrong.
Receiving and giving dowry are also offences
according to the laws of India.
Leaders of churches should be the foremost to
honour God in this matter and to obey the country's laws.
Any church-leader who is unwilling to take a
stand against this evil dowry system has no right to remain in leadership in
any church. Some leaders may secretly take a dowry without anyone knowing it.
But God will deal with such hypocrites in His own time.
At a wedding, money may be given for the actual
expenses of the wedding and the reception. But even this should ideally be
equally shared by both parties. Thus both the boy and the girl are given equal
dignity before God. But we cannot make a rule in this matter, because some are
able to afford an expensive wedding and reception, while others are not.
It is perfectly in order for a bride's parents to
give money to their daughter. But this is best done by putting the money in a
bank account in her name.
This is not a rule but only a guideline so that
believers can preserve their testimony and not be accused of having received a
dowry after the wedding.
There is another equally great evil in India - and
that is the way daughters are treated by their parents when it comes to an
inheritance.
Many parents do not give an equal share of
their wealth and assets to their daughters as they do to their sons.
If it is evil to give or ask for dowry, it is an
equally great evil for a parent not to give their daughters an equal share of
their wealth as they give their sons.
In God's eyes, sons and daughters have
equal rights to their parents' assets. Any father who shows partiality to his
sons over his daughters is an ungodly father, unfit to be called a Christian.
Whether the father writes this in his will to be distributed after his death or
whether he gives it to his children earlier is immaterial. But he must treat
his daughters exactly like he treats his sons. And a daughter has every right
to ask to be treated equally. Jesus taught that it is proper for children to
ask their fathers for good gifts (Matt.7:9-11).
If Jesus were in India today, He would denounce
the dowry system ruthlessly.
Unfortunately, church-leaders who claim to
represent Him, do not denounce this practice - because they love money
themselves, or are eager not to offend the rich, or hope to get a commission
themselves in the process!
Even a non-Christian film-actor in India has
spoken out against dowry recently.
Aamir Khan writes:
"I am totally opposed to dowry. It is not
only a retrograde practice but also an illegal one. Think about it - can a
relationship, built on the foundation of money and greed, be meaningful or
beautiful? We should make our daughter so accomplished and independent that she
is capable of crafting her own future and becoming the master of her own
happiness. Then she won't need a greedy, useless groom to complete her life.
Let her marry a person who respects her. Let her marry a man who she believes
is worthy of her; whom she is happy to spend the rest of her life with."
Such non-Christian film-stars are now putting to
shame so-called "Spirit-filled, tongue-speaking" believers, in this
matter! Those film-stars will rise up in the day of judgment and condemn all
hypocritical believers.
This is one reason why the Lord has placed
CFC and related churches (and I hope, some other churches too) as lighthouses
in India, to stand for the truth and to proclaim His will in this matter.
The Bible commands us to speak up for the rights
of the needy (Prov.31:8,9).
We must stand totally against this evil dowry
system that has destroyed the lives of so many helpless girls in our land. We
must also urge all parents to give an equal share of their wealth to their
daughters as they give to their sons.
Daniel took a stand for the Lord in Babylon in a
very small matter - not eating certain foods that God had forbidden in
Leviticus 11. That was a very small commandment - but it was a small
commandment given by a great God. Because Daniel honoured God, God honoured
him. God is testing us now in little matters, to see whether we qualify to be a
voice for Him.
May the Lord preserve us as a prophetic voice for
Him in our land.
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